In Her Words: Tanya Ralph, LMSW, Shaping Lives With Compassion

Although her path has been a winding one, Tanya has followed her heart and found her true calling.

My superpower is love. I’m a deep empath, which was unacceptable in my family. My parents were probably afraid. They probably were thinking, you're gonna get harmed being so empathetic. I became angry and I started rebelling. I would act out in school. I had an “F” in conduct. Still, the expectation was that I would go to college. I’m one of eight and between the eight of us, there are probably 16 degrees.

A frequent guest contributor on 102.3 WHIV-FM, recently Tanya shared insights on the positive impact social workers have on communities. March is Social Work Month.

I went to college in southwest Louisiana, and it was a party school. What do I do? I party. I was totally distracted. I married my college boyfriend. I dropped out. My dad convinced me to go to travel and tourism school and helped me get a job in that industry, where I worked for many years. My daughter was born. We moved around a bit. My marriage got rocky because we both had traumatic backgrounds, so we got divorced. I started to feel like a caged animal in travel and then 9/11 hits and travel shuts down completely. I started feeling like this is the only thing I know how to do. If we continue to lose these contracts, then what? 

I wanted to create a space where women can be free, where they can live a balanced and peaceful life and know that they're not what happened to them.

Makeup was frowned upon in my conservative household growing up, but I've always been fascinated by it. So I decided to become an esthetician and a makeup artist. My daughter was about four years old at that point. My ex-husband moved back to Louisiana. I was still in Atlanta. He wasn't helping me at the time. I'm doing it as a single parent, going to work full time, still working in the travel industry, getting off work and going to beauty school at night. I'm dropping my kid off at a 24 hour day care. It just wasn't good. My ex-husband said, “Well, I'll take her. Bring her to me,” And I said “Okay, she'll be ready on Saturday. Yes. I'll take you up on your offer.” I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. I felt terrible sending my child off for a year, only seeing her on weekends. But it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself and my daughter because I always had that license to fall back on. I kept working in the travel industry for several more years while building my clientele as an esthetician and make up artist. I went back and got my bachelor’s degree while working full time. Eventually I opened my own salon after getting laid off from travel. 

We tell our estheticians and our hairstylist everything right? Many women came to me not just to be beautiful, but they started saying things like “When I leave here my soul is fed. When I leave here, I feel so full.” So many women will cover up their pain and their frustrations with makeup. I piled on so much makeup on top of trauma. Professional women who were in esteemed positions intellectualized their trauma and covered it up because they were on this path to success. They looked a certain way, and they had certain jobs. Underneath that they were depressed and had severe anxiety and other mental health disorders.

Tanya (left) earned her master’s degree in social work from Southern University at New Orleans in 2018. Her daughter (right), graduated from high school that same year and is now in graduate school.

I wanted to create a space where women can be free, where they can live a balanced and peaceful life and know that they're not what happened to them. I just asked God to use me to heal these women. I started making live videos and talking to women about “beautiful” being about their self esteem. I wanted to remove the mask. 

There’s trauma that's happening in our city. I wanted to leave. But then I shifted. I'm like, God, where do you want me? 

I decided my next step was to get my master's degree in social work. For my field practicum, I worked in addiction. At first, I hated it and thought there's no way I want this. I worked in drug court in New Orleans and it was mostly black men. When I started talking to them, I realized they're not well either and this is a problem, especially in our city. 

Tanya is employed as clinical supervisor for Behavioral Health Group, a medication assisted treatment clinic in New Orleans. She is passionate about the work she does to help “break the cycle” of addiction.

After Hurricane Katrina when so many of the citizens here were students, they were diagnosed with ADHD, but really, they had PTSD. We just ignored it. It really has never been fully addressed. And then all the other things happening in the city, the crime and the lack of police presence are playing a pervasive role. There's a lot of poverty. What happens with poverty is there's crime, right? It's just a vicious cycle, and we're still in it. There’s trauma that's happening in our city. I wanted to leave. But then I shifted. I'm like, God, where do you want me? Where's my work? Use me how you see fit. And then of course, the pandemic hit. I would have these weekly meditation sessions via Zoom where people would just come on and talk about it. I saw that — men and women — they’re hurting and it would be people from all over the United States on my calls just trying to heal.

When you can be compassionate and understand and treat each person like an individual and hear their story, you understand that addiction is addiction is addiction. 

When I was younger, I lacked compassion and empathy for certain groups. I was not aware of my implicit biases, or my unconscious biases. And then I realized that there's a reason why someone is utilizing drugs. It is mostly to numb the pain. When you can be compassionate and understand and treat each person like an individual and hear their story, you understand that addiction is addiction is addiction. You know, for some people, it's shopping. For some people, it's eating, and for some people, it's drugs. Using drugs is socially unacceptable. Going to McDonald's, standing in the line being already obese and upsizing everything and eating sugar all day is more socially acceptable. But addiction is addiction is addiction.

Now I’m the manager of a methadone clinic. I started as a counselor. They offered me the manager role initially, and I gently declined. But when I got in here, it was chaos and I realized I wasn’t going to be able to work in chaos. So, I took the manager role and now I get to mentor other counselors and I love it.

Belle Curve Stories is about “women navigating life with grit, grace and growth.” What do these three words mean to you?

Grit, grace, and growth. I love that. There is no way that you can change without any of those things. I feel like it is the foundation to a mindset shift. It is a foundation to the difference of whether you make $100 or $1,000. It is the difference of whether you are bitter, whether you are resentful, or whether you are in a place of forgiving.

What advice would you give your younger self?

My advice to myself 25 years ago is to set boundaries and be okay with setting boundaries. Also, be the center of your happiness and love yourself. Wrap your arms around yourself when nobody else will. Because when you think you're alone, you're not. There's always a higher power. 

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Tanya Ralph, LMSW, age 53, has been a secret shopper, a travel agent, and an esthetician before accepting her current role as clinical supervisor of a methadone clinic in the New Orleans area. The proud mama of a beautiful daughter now in graduate school, Tanya is one of eight children herself and credits her parents with instilling in her the values of hard work, education, and entrepreneurship. She is a frequent guest contributor on 102.3 WHIV-FM.