In Her Words: Phylis Speedlin, Mother of Re-Invention
Grateful for the opportunities she has had to pursue her personal and professional ambitions, Phylis has advice for young women making their own life choices today.
I grew up in a small community in Ohio in a very economically challenged home. My mother was a single mom who raised five children on a waitress salary. Two of those children were severely handicapped. The first of our five siblings had Down syndrome, and my youngest brother, who was born in 1953, had a medical condition known as erythroblastosis fetalis. At that time medical science hadn’t advanced enough to know how to prevent brain damage when an Rh-negative mother carries an Rh-positive baby. My mother was a hero in my eyes for what she was able to do and how she was able to provide for all of us.
When I graduated from high school in 1967, we did not have counselors to assist with college applications or scholarships. Even though I had very good grades, there was no one to help me. A classmate mentioned she was going to our nearest big city, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, to a diploma nursing school. One of the factors for her was that you could work side jobs at the hospital to help pay your tuition while you were going to school. I thought that seemed like a good way for me to get out of my little home city and be educated. So, from 1967 to 1970, I trained as a diploma nurse. During my last year of that training, a friend and I volunteered for the Army Nurse Corps, primarily for financial reasons, although I very much believed in service to my country. We also volunteered to serve as nurses in Vietnam. We were just 19 years old when we volunteered.
Subsequently, I finished nursing school, obtained my RN license, and the Army sent me to Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio. I did my training at Fort Sam Houston, including learning to shoot guns and wear gas masks. They sent us out at nighttime at Camp Bullis, gave all of us a compass and instructed us to find our way back in the dark. My platoon got totally lost, and they had to rescue us the next morning. (My husband loves telling that story because I still have no sense of direction.) The training at Fort Sam Houston was to prepare me for my next station and then ultimately to go to Vietnam. However, during this time, I was diagnosed with a long-term medical condition, which meant they wouldn’t be sending me to Vietnam. Instead, I was required to stay at Brooke Army Medical Center, which was one of a handful of Class A facilities.
Until 1975, I provided bedside nursing care to severely injured and traumatized combat soldiers returning from the Vietnam War. I also returned to school part time. Although I was an RN, my training to be a nurse did not include any college credit. Therefore, when I wasn’t on duty, I was at school. I started at San Antonio College, where I received my basic credits, and then transferred those credits to Incarnate Word College. Ultimately, I earned my bachelor’s degree in nursing in 1975. By that point, I was married, and my husband, who I had met when we were both in the Army, decided he wanted to go to medical school. So that I could support us while he went to medical school, I decided to get a master’s degree in hospital administration from Trinity University. I completed my master’s program in 18 months and then I did a year-long internship at Audie Murphy Memorial Veterans Hospital, which was a brand new veterans hospital. After my internship, I continued to work at Audie Murphy Memorial Veterans Hospital as a hospital administrator until I decided to go on to my next career.
In the fall of 1979, when my husband was finishing up his training to be a doctor and was entering the Army Medical Corps, I remember walking into work thinking to myself, “You know, Phylis, you now have the money and the ability to do whatever you want to do.” I started to consider different careers in my mind thinking, “Well, what could I do?” One of the careers that popped up was to become a lawyer. And the next thought that I had was “Only men can be lawyers.” Well, I was so shocked that I thought that; it caused me to literally stop in my tracks. Keep in mind that I was currently the only woman on the administrative staff of the newest veterans hospital in the United States, working there with the hope that I could “grow up and be the hospital director.” But after being there for several years, I knew there was no way they were going to let a woman become an administrator of a veterans hospital — that wasn’t coming for many years. I was still so mad at myself. I remember thinking, “Well, if I want to be a lawyer, I’ll be a lawyer.” I kind of challenged myself and at 30 years of age, I took the entrance exam for law school. I did well on the exam and entered St Mary’s law school in 1980, and graduated in 1983.
Before law school, I had two daughters come to me through adoption. Although nine years later I would give birth to a son, that same medical diagnosis that prevented me from going to Vietnam also meant that I was discouraged from having biological children. To start my family, I worked with the Lutheran Social Service Agency and their wonderful director, Kathleen Silber, to adopt my daughters. Over the years it took me to adopt, Kathleen and I had a lot of discussions about the fact that a disproportionate number of adopted children, compared to what would be expected in the general population, were seeking psychological assistance or were in psychiatric hospitals under therapy. Kathleen and I began to wonder, “Why is that? Why is this happening?” and one of our theories was it was because 99% of all adoptions were closed. You weren’t allowed to know the identity of the relinquishing birthmother or birthfather.
Right before I started law school, Kathy and I started writing a book arguing that closed adoption was antiquated and dispelling the myths that made the public feel that closed adoption was necessary. We wrote about the four primary myths of adoption. We started writing the book in 1979. I then started law school and put the book aside during my first year. We picked it back up and during my second year of law school, we published it and it was received incredibly well. Our book, Dear Birthmother: Thank You For Our Baby, went on to be known as the most popular book on adoption, and I’m proud to say it’s credited among adoption circles with opening up adoption.
We appeared on Phil Donahue, to debate Edna Gladney about the efficacy of what we were arguing. Now, our theory was that if we opened adoption, the adopted children would feel more secure and there wouldn’t be a disproportionate population of adopted people in our mental health institutions. That never proved to be true, but it did have the serendipity of allowing birthmothers and birthfathers to feel more secure about placing their children for adoption, so it probably helped reduce the number of abortions.
When I got out of law school, I had these two little girls who were just 20 months apart, and a husband who was in the Army Medical Corps, and I joined a law firm. It was the oldest law firm in San Antonio, and I loved it. I was blessed to have the senior partner become my mentor. I was blessed that one of our other partners was appointed to be a federal judge, and because I was a registered nurse, when he left, I inherited Santa Rosa Medical Center as my client. From there, I got to represent not only Santa Rosa, but hospitals throughout the area and I got to defend hospitals and doctors and nurses in medical malpractice lawsuits. It was a very active time for medical negligence suits, and I was one of the first woman trial attorneys in personal injury litigation throughout the state of Texas.
Seventeen years later, I left my first law firm after my senior partner and mentor retired. I then applied to be a District Court Judge. Fortunately, Governor Bush appointed me and then I was elected. I served as a district court judge for a little over three years, and then I served on the next highest court, which is the Fourth Court of Appeals, where I served for 10 great years. Early on, while I was serving on the Fourth Court of Appeals, the Court became the first all-female appellate court in the United States. Who would have thought that would occur first in Texas?!
When I retired from the courts at the end of 2012, I went back to the law firm of Cox Smith in San Antonio, and I stayed there doing mostly mediations and arbitrations until right after COVID. In 2022, I opened my own private practice and now I’m arbitrating lawsuits for the American Arbitration Association. I also do some mediations and some private judging.
As you can tell, I’ve had a great and varied career. I’ve been a nurse. I’ve been a hospital administrator. I’ve written a book. I’ve been a lawyer. I’ve been a justice. Now I’m back serving as a mediator and an arbitrator. Plus, I love teaching; I teach a weekly Sunday school class.
If you were to go back in time and give advice to your 25 year old self, what would you tell her?
I believe we have three major phases of life: the first 30, the middle 30, and the last 30 years. In this last 30, you can reflect back on your life decisions with curiosity, wisdom, and hopefully wonder. By contrast, in the first 30 years, we are largely pre-programmed by our parents, peers, and society at the time. Around 25 to 30 years of age, guess what? There’s nobody telling you what the next step should be. That’s the first time you can really stand back, like I did as I was walking into the veterans hospital, and say “What do I want to do?” For me, it was a difficult question, because no one had ever asked that of me before. So, my advice to the 25 - 30 year old me would be to find a mentor. Go find another woman who you admire and respect and ask for their advice. Then, listen.
My mother was very bright, but she got handed a deck of cards that kept her home and didn’t allow her to go do anything else. I wasn’t. I was told I had the ability to go do what I wanted. I just didn’t know what was available to a poor farm girl from Ohio. There was no one around me who could give me that advice or say, “It’s your choice, but don’t be unrealistic.” I thought I could do everything. I could be a mother and I could be a superstar attorney. I worked myself really hard to be that superstar. But now looking back, I wish I’d given myself more grace so that I didn’t have to be perfect.
Belle Curve Stories is about women navigating life with grit, grace and growth. What do those three words mean to you?
Grit to me is determination so that when you start something, you finish it. I believe growth happens every single day. If you’re lucky, you have a guiding power — for me it’s God, but whatever your higher power might be — that will help you navigate decisions along the way.
“Why do women have to be it all?” would be a question I would ask any young woman. I signed on in my middle 30s to be a wife, a lawyer, and then I came home to be a full-time mother, cook, homemaker. I had essentially three full-time jobs, right? And I had to be perfect at all of them. Why do we do that to ourselves?
With God’s grace, hopefully you ask those questions with curiosity, not criticism. I spent a good part of my life, especially after the experiences I endured during the Vietnam War, being very critical of myself, that I was never enough. Now with the insight and wisdom of my age, I realize that we all believe in some way that we are not enough. Frankly, that is a lie we tell ourselves. But we don’t have to carry that lie. We can capture those negative thoughts and replace them with the truth. We are loved, we belong, and we have a purpose in this wonderful life.
As told to and edited by Teresa Bellock and Sandra Ditore
Phylis Speedlin, 76, is an attorney with her own private practice in San Antonio, Texas, where she resides with her husband. Phylis has had many careers with each one building on the one before: nurse, hospital administrator, author, attorney, trial judge, and appellate justice. She is also a wife, mother, grandmother and Sunday school teacher. Today she works as a mediator and arbitrator and enjoys serving people experiencing various life challenges.
Pyylis, you certainly are Legendary. I livid in the Cleveland area four years. Will share with you when I am able to return to class. Blessings, In Christ, Byron