In Her Words: Carrie May, Living Vibrantly & Without Alcohol
Nurse practitioner, suburban mom and social innovator is changing how we socialize, one step at a time.
All of a sudden, I found myself addicted to alcohol. It started very slowly, and it was just kind of insidious in nature. I didn't have any “reason for drinking.” Alcohol just kind of became part of my daily life.

I'm really grateful that I didn’t have any trauma, but I did have anxiety. I have had anxiety my whole adult life, and I know that I was using drinking to settle my nerves. I had moved from Palatine to Arlington Heights, and I was feeling a bit nervous with that move. I felt like I was back in high school, on the sidelines with the soccer moms, not knowing anybody, and wanting to fit in as an adult. Also, I’m a nurse practitioner and I've primarily worked in hospital emergency departments. Drinking after my shift was pretty common for me. All of a sudden, I had a big problem on my hands.
That was 2016 and my daughter, who was 11 years old at the time, said to me “Either you get help, or we're getting out.” She is feisty, and I respect that. I'm really grateful that she was standing up for what she knew was right. She was the impetus for me to get sober. I tried to stop by myself, but I wasn't able to do that, so I put myself in an inpatient residential treatment program. The people who knew me likely thought I just vanished off the face of the earth, because I didn't tell anybody what was going on, other than my husband and a couple of parents of my daughter's friends who were in carpools with me. I let a couple of those moms know where I was, because they needed to know they couldn’t rely on me to drive. Otherwise, I literally just went off grid for 23 days and stayed quiet the following year.
My husband, Jonathan, stopped drinking the day that I stopped drinking. He didn't have a drinking issue, but he stopped to show his support, and that was huge. My mom, my dad, my brothers, my children, and the girlfriends I let in were all supportive. The day I came out of treatment, I started in a 12-step program, and I got a lot of support there. My sponsor, Mike, has been with me every step of the way.
But I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself because everything I did before revolved around drinking. How would I go to a Cubs game? How would I meet up with other moms, if everything included wine? I didn't want to only hang out in 12 step rooms. I still wanted big, vibrant, social experiences. I loved socializing. I loved going to parties and having get-togethers and doing things and meeting lots of people. In the beginning, I couldn't envision how I could do that again. I didn't know a single other sober individual, other than my aunt who lives in New York, and I didn’t know how to expand my circle. I can't stress how important it was to me to look outside of what was readily available to me for socializing.
I wanted more, and when I couldn't find it, I decided to create it. In 2019, about three years into my sobriety, I started actively trying to get to know more people who were not drinking. I tried a couple of different things that flopped. For example, I tried a Meetup group, but no one really showed up. It was really hard, but I persisted. The pandemic was problematic for a lot of people's drinking, but for me, it was very beneficial because paid platforms for communities around sobriety started to spring up on Zoom. I volunteered to be the Chicago representative, and I was able to start growing my network that way.
In 2020, I took off on my own and started Chicago AF, which is a 501(c)3, non-profit community of individuals who share a common desire to live life alcohol-free. It’s a vibrant, volunteer-led community dedicated to fostering sober connections and transforming the alcohol-free social scene in Chicago. Our mission is to raise awareness about alcohol addiction and normalize living alcohol-free in today’s society. People of all ages who are sober, sober-curious, or seeking support on their alcohol-free journey are all welcome to participate. With the Surgeon General's warning coming out, we know more about the dangers of alcohol now than we used to and there are so many people cutting back on drinking or stopping altogether. We have 2,000 members and it just keeps growing and growing.
Initially I was hoping the events would be in the suburbs, but there’s a lot of need in the city. I just had an event this past weekend called NA Day. It's the third time that we've put it on, which is really cool. We had it at Loft on Lake, in the Fulton Market area of the West Loop, where we had more than 20 non-alcoholic vendors and some of our participants and guests came in from out of town for this event. People are really curious.

What I’ve always wanted has been to change the culture for the whole community – in Chicago and beyond. When Lincoln Park Zoo reached out to ask if I would help them plan Oksoberfest, a non-alcoholic event, I felt like I won the lottery. I said “Absolutely!” and we’ve collaborated for the past two years. We’ve had 1,000 to 1,500 people coming to these events and we're doing another one this year. I definitely want to see that continue.
We have a brunch club, a book club, and a coffee club that all meet monthly. We have events with a low stress atmosphere where people can drop in. I've noticed that when sober adults socialize, they're often really nervous and very awkward. I try to make a point of letting people know it's totally fine. It's cool. We get it. We're here to support it.

I also have a boutique and adventure-based recovery coaching practice called Brave. When I took an impromptu weekend trip with a new friend to Sedona a few years into my sobriety, I discovered that the physical act of hiking reduced my anxiety. Focusing on the trail, walking in tandem, and sharing the adventure together lit a little fire in my soul. I couldn't believe the ease with which we connected and the calming of my nervous system, and I knew right on that trail that I wanted to create this type of experience for other sober women.

In 2020, I took courses through the IAPRC to become a certified professional recovery coach. Since then, I have found my niche in group coaching organically on the trails. I have led seven women's sobriety hiking retreats, hosting women to Asheville, Sedona, Yosemite, Zion, Colorado, and Glacier National Park. This year I am co-hosting a recovery trip to Everest Base Camp in Nepal in April and Moab in September. My aim with the retreats is for women to gain more confidence in their sobriety, form meaningful connections with other women, and have a LOT of fun. It has been such an amazing experience to watch the growth of return guests.
Where do you want to go from here?
I started talking out loud at work about being sober a couple of years ago, which to me, was a monumental act. That's something else I really want to focus on — being more of an advocate for medical providers. I really don’t feel like there’s any resources there and there’s so much stigma. We have a lot of work to do in that area.
If you were to go back in time and give advice to your 25-year-old self, what would you tell her?
Well, I would tell her, if she developed a drinking problem, to not treat herself so hard. I had so much shame in the first two to three years of my sobriety. I just couldn't believe it. I felt very ashamed, and I didn't want anybody to know. I couldn’t talk to my mom. I couldn't really talk to my husband. So, I would just tell my 25-year-old self not to be so hard on herself.
Belle Curve Stories is about women navigating life with grit, grace and growth. What do those three words mean to you?
Grit means getting tough and tenacious and going after it and not giving up. Grace is just like classic beauty, profound beauty and strength. Growth is always changing and evolving and just really going after your dreams.
I think people really thought I was crazy. I know they thought I was crazy with my ideas, early in my sobriety, but I knew there was more out there than what I was seeing, and I was determined to find it. I'm so grateful that I did, because now I have this very big, vibrant life that I really didn't want to miss out on.
As told to and edited by Teresa Bellock and Sandra Ditore.
Carrie May, 50, is the founder and director of Chicago AF and the founder of Brave, LLC. She is a certified professional recovery coach and a nurse practitioner. Carrie lives in Arlington Heights, Illinois, with her husband and children.