Half of our clients are on our prevention track, which means housed but unstably. The services we provide to this group are to keep them in their houses, because it’s far better to stabilize, or to help people downsize to get into a more manageable place. The other 50% of our client base have lost their homes. These are the individuals who we work with at PADS (Public Action to Deliver Shelter) locations to try to keep them off the street and out of the elements while we work to get them stably housed.

Through our PADS program, we partner with churches to provide emergency shelter, and we provide administrative and clinical support including volunteer training and insurance for the sites. We pay for the sites’ laundry. We provide transportation for the guests to and from the day center to the sites. We also provide a program manager who oversees all the sites so we can do case reviews to assess needs and determine eligibility for services. Then we turn around and provide information to the new sites for the next day, so they’re informed and equipped and ready to go. We do background checks for all participants in the emergency shelters and we have negotiated relationships with the police departments to have liaison officers every night that the PADS sites are open.

Through Pathways Housing Readiness we prepare people who are ready to move out of homelessness to become housing-ready while providing referrals and placement in stable housing. Once these clients are housed, our clinical team provides them with the support and counseling they need to reach their goals.

Looking back, what are some of the life experiences that helped to prepare you for your current role?

I tend to go for the underdog and really plow through things. If I were to pinpoint where that passion came from, I’d say it’s tied to my experience at age 13 when I became one of only two young ladies at St. James Catholic School who had divorced parents. In every class I was in, I had to justify my definition of family versus what was being taught. I had to continue to remind myself that I had a place at the table. I realized then that maybe things in life aren’t always going to be fair, and maybe it has nothing to do with you. Maybe it has to do with your placement. Maybe it has to do with what’s been introduced to you. Maybe it has to do with your environment, things that you might not have control over.

In my very early days of running Journeys | The Road Home, my (now ex) husband had a very severe issue with alcohol. He got himself in a lot of trouble that landed him in jail and our children and I became homeless. My board of directors for Journeys rallied around me by locking down my job, making sure I was okay, and keeping questions about my situation at bay, but what really saved me in that moment was family. My sister, who was nine months pregnant, opened up a room for my kids and a couch for me. We enrolled my children at St. James, where they would be protected (a very full circle moment), and I got my footing. Not everybody has that kind of support. Every program I’ve made decisions about moving forward for Journeys would have made my life better if it had been in existence when I was in that situation myself.

What are some of the major challenges you face in your work?

NIMBY (not in my back yard) issues are real. When I was trying to do housing, not one town or village wanted me to do it within their boundaries. So, I created my own 501(c)(2), which is a real estate holding company. All it does is hold property for charitable purposes. I started that so that I could move around town without anybody knowing I was coming. With the help of two important donors, I now have two affordable housing apartment buildings. They were farmhouses right next door to each other, and I flipped them. They’re also zoned in the multi-use, one-mile commuter district, which means I could eventually level them and campus them up and have a 10 to 13 floor apartment building with retail on the bottom. Currently we have 16 individuals who were once homeless living there. We’ve been operating it since 2009, and I’ve only faced one eviction. That’s much better than regular market real estate and that’s because of our structure.

As another example, we had an individual who had been staying on a bench downtown for a very long period of time. The individual didn’t want to be in a congregate setting. They felt safer on this bench in this very visible location. The restaurant next door said, “You know, we don’t care. It’s not affecting our business,” but the people living in the condo behind the bench cared because they felt it affected their ability to attract buyers. I attended one of the committee of the whole meetings for the village, and I said, “You know, we all know there’s a moral issue here, but I’m not in the business of defining anybody’s morals. I don’t know whose morals are right and whose morals are wrong, but I can tell you what mine are. This individual has the right of choice. We have the right to offer resources. We don’t have the right to define what’s best for them.”

My recommendation was to create a task force. If you have a complex situation where there are more issues than one agency can solve, you need to bring all of the players together so we all know what resources we’re bringing. Then we can make really tangible solutions happen, and we can say to the individual, “What would it take to get you off the bench? What makes you feel you’re standing on solid ground? What would make you feel you’re driving the car?” At one point, the village wanted to do a consortium to bring all the surrounding municipalities together, but that approach would’ve put lots of layers between the problem and the solution. It would’ve diluted responsibility. In the end, a task force was created and the situation has since been resolved. That kind of stuff gets me motivated. You can’t be in this kind of environment and not be ready to fight.

Who stands out for you as an influential figure in your personal and/or professional life?

In 1999 or 2000, I was at a community meeting about mental health and Burt Jensen, who was this big, burly guy with a booming voice, jumped up in the back of the room and made some really profound statements of support. He looked like he wasn’t the right demographic to be so compassionate and I was intrigued. After the meeting, I made a beeline towards him and said, “Tell me something about you.” It turned out we grew up blocks from each other. My mom was a kindergarten teacher, and his kids were in her class. Burt was also a retired FBI agent, and at the time Journeys was having some problems with the police department and some of our clients and so I thought he’d be really valuable as a spokesperson for the agency. I hired him and quickly realized he was board material, so I migrated him onto the board where he served us very well.

My father and I do not have an existing relationship. It’s been straight struggling our whole life. His addiction is what led me to marry somebody with an addiction, and pace my career the way I did. Burt Jensen served in that father role for me. He was instrumental in my developmental years. He would show up all the time. He was everywhere I needed him to be. Twenty-five years later, Burt is now a much older gentleman, and he struggles with his memory, but he still comes to visit Journeys, brings his dog and sits with our clients. Burt is one of my best buddies.

What do you want your kids to know?

All seven of my kids have had their own knocks and bumps. But fortunately, they have a really transparent mom who talks openly about her struggles. I tell them, “I ran into a wall about 10 times and that’s this flat spot back here. Let’s try to avoid that.” There are ways you can get things done without having the same bumps and bruises I have. But I also believe that the scars on your skin are stronger than the skin of which they scarred. It’s really important to celebrate all the boo boos, not to be fearful of them, and to keep moving through life because you either win or you learn. There’s no other option.

If you could go back in time and give advice to your 25 year old self, what would you tell her?

I would tell myself that it was okay to force change in my marriage and to force my husband to face his demons. I would tell myself not to be so worried about what it might look like to be a therapist with an addicted husband. I wish I could go back and talk to him at 25 the way I was able to do it a decade later. I already had all the skills I needed to do that. I just didn’t have anybody there encouraging me and standing by me.

Belle Curve Stories is about women navigating life with grit, grace and growth. What do those three words mean to you?

Grit is super important. I call myself a rubber band. If you push me down, I bounce back. So, if you push me down, I’ll celebrate it. I’ll look forward to it. Grit humanizes you. It makes you approachable. It makes you real.

When people have given me grace, they have taught me how to give grace. There have been moments when I have been given my space; I’ve been allowed my peace; and I have been forgiven. Those moments have given me pause and made me realize how great humanity can be. I want to be that same conduit.

It’s incredibly important to sign up for growth, and to dive in and realize that if you’re not growing, you’re dying. If you are done growing, you’re meeting your maker.

As told to and edited by Teresa Bellock and Sandra Ditore. Belle Curve Stories is brought to you by Belle Curve Ventures LLC.

Beth Nabors, 61, is the CEO of Journeys | The Road Home, a community-based non-profit providing shelter and social services to people experiencing homelessness or housing insecurity in Chicago’s north and northwest suburbs. Beth holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology and a master’s degree in educational psychology from Eastern Illinois University. She has served in the not-for-profit arena for her entire career. She and her husband Jeff live in the northwest suburbs of Chicago.

Charitable donations and fundraisers fuel the organization’s shelters, housing programs, and its compassionate outreach that meets people exactly where they are, helping them take that next step toward stability. For more information about Journeys | The Road Home, or to make a charitable donation, please visit www.journeystheroadhome.org.

It has taken me a while to hone in on what I love to paint. I live most of the time in the City of Boston and went through a period of time painting cityscape…

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I graduated from high school in 1982 and I wasn’t going to college. My mom told me to go into the city and get a job. I went to an employment agency, and they gave me a job for $200 a week in a brokerage house. I went home and told my mother I got a job and she says “Go back to the agency. I want you to work for attorneys.” So I do, but I don’t like it. I was bored and I didn't like the woman I was working for. She was a little bit older than me, but she wasn't my speed. I complain to my mother and she says “You have to go back there and you have to learn what that girl knows.” I asked her why and she said “Because you have to work for the partners of a law firm and while you're at it, you should try to also marry one of them.” 

But I didn’t marry a partner from a law firm. I married my high school boyfriend in 1985 and my mother got pancreatic cancer. I was crying all the time at work, so they asked if I wanted to go on unemployment and I said yes. In 1987, my first daughter was born, and I had three more daughters. In 1988, my mother passed away, and then my father died not long after that and I had no siblings. I didn’t really work much after I started having babies but when my father died, I inherited money and was able to buy a house in New Jersey in cash.

I was sitting in my minivan, waiting for my daughter to come out of a friend’s house and I took out a little piece of paper and wrote down everything I knew.

My husband went through all the money. He was an alcoholic, a drug addict, a criminal, and an abuser and he couldn’t keep the utilities on or pay the taxes because he couldn’t work consistently. He got progressively worse as the years went on. When my girls were in middle school and high school, I lost my house and we got evicted. I didn’t even know I was getting evicted until the day I did. From there, we went into rentals, but he never really paid the rent. Sometimes it was hard to get food and the utilities wouldn’t be on. We were always practically squatting.

We got evicted five times. I sought out therapy throughout my marriage. It’s hard to get social services when you have no job and no money, but I got what I could through my township and the state and I went to Al-Anon, which was very helpful. One late night, I was on a call with a 24-hour hotline for abused women and the woman said to me “Well, what could you do?” I said, “Oh, I can't do anything. I'm just a mom. I didn't go to college. I only went to high school. There's nothing I could do.” So she said “Well, what did you do before you had kids? Before you got married?” I said “Oh, I worked in Manhattan. I worked for two partners who were the real estate attorneys for the Dime Savings Bank,” and I started explaining everything I did. I prepared all the closing documents and did all the math. I typed really well. “Well, that sounds like something,” she said. I realized she was right, and I started thinking. I did know a lot of things, especially about how to get a mortgage and close on a house.

A short time later, I was sitting in my minivan, waiting for my daughter to come out of a friend’s house and I took out a little piece of paper and wrote down everything I knew. I wrote my business plan down for real estate. It began with residential appraisals.

“My first profit from my new business was $75 and I thought “Wow, it does work!”

From there I went home, and I started my appraisal business, which I still own and operate today. I started calling up banks and soliciting them for work. I remember being on a sales call with a girl in California, named Soda. I’ll never forget it. She asked why she should use me and I said, “If you give me the order, I will perform for you, like nobody that you're using will be able to perform, I promise you. She gave me the order and I worked like a maniac on it.

I had to hire people to work for me, because I didn’t have an appraiser’s license and most of the people who I had to hire were men. Meanwhile, I was very fragile and delicate because I was being abused. I had to be very strong and not sound like I was terrified. I remember one appraiser telling me he didn’t want to work for me and asking me why he should. I told him, “Well you should work for me because I have the business. I have the account.” That still wasn’t enough for him, so I said “Listen, when you get on a bus to go into Manhattan, do you think the bus driver owns the company? I don't have a license to do appraisals, just like the owner of the bus company doesn't have a CDL license to drive a bus,” and he took the job.

The clients gave me more and more work and I added more clients. In the beginning, I had little side jobs, just to have food on the table. I was working the side jobs in the morning and then coming home to work on my business. My first profit from my new business was $75 and I thought “Wow, it does work!” Two months later, my profits increased, and I was so busy that I had to quit all these little side jobs. I don’t think anybody worked as many hours as I worked because failure was not an option. I was available seven days a week. I was working till midnight or one o’clock in the morning. If the clients needed something, they were getting it before they ever expected to get it. 

I stayed married for a really long time because I thought he would change. It was psychological abuse. But when I started doing this business and I started making money and people would be calling on the phone and asking for me, he started getting angry and he became physically abusive. He would run after me and pull my hair out of my head. He would lock me in the basement. He’d do things to my car so I couldn’t leave. He’d lock me out of my house. I’d have to sleep in the yard. I’d have to try to work in the car and just stay away from him. I had to start calling the cops.

When you go to family court, it can take an entire day before you see a judge. You get there at 9:00 in the morning. You have to write down a million things. You have to get interviewed by a million people.

My mom’s best friend died in April of 2012. She became my second mom after my mother’s passing. I had a vivid dream of her shortly after she died. In my dream she told me it was ok. I could go! I could leave my husband. The day after my aunt’s funeral, he left the house and was waiting for a ride in the driveway. I opened the door and I said, “Don’t come back today. I’m getting divorced. Just don’t come back.” He turned around, and he said “I’ll come back. And I’ll do whatever I want. And you’ll like it.” I said, “No, not today,” and I closed the door.

At this point, my kids were in high school and college and were working. One of my daughters was home and I asked her to go to family court with me. I wanted a restraining order and I wanted to start my divorce. When you go to family court, it can take an entire day before you see a judge. You get there at 9:00 in the morning. You have to write down a million things. You have to get interviewed by a million people. At the end of the day I finally sit down in front of a woman judge in the basement of the family court and she tells me she thinks I’m using the court to play games with my husband. I had too many restraining orders that I dropped. After what I did to him that morning, I’m thinking he’s gonna kill me now when I get home.

My quiet daughter, who was sitting in the back of the court, raises her hand and says “Excuse me, Your Honor. On the way to court my father called my mother and I recorded it while he was talking to her on Bluetooth. Do you want to hear it?” The judge listens to the entire recording, tells me that he has violated every human right I have in one phone call, and she grants me a restraining order for myself and my kids. From there, we go to Home Depot and get some new locks and I called one of my daughter’s friends to help me install them. I was so afraid. But everything about that day was so magical. It felt like it was a “yes” day for me. 

But I got to the point where I realized I couldn’t live like this. It wasn’t right for my daughters.

I went to a lawyer who I was working with in my businesses, handed him $2,000 and I told him I wanted to be divorced by August and he said OK. This was May. My husband would come to the house, and I’d call the cops and I wouldn’t let him in. They would put him right in jail. He came back a couple times and every time I called the cops and I got him arrested. Every time he wrote to me, I saved it. But I wouldn’t read it because I didn’t want him to psychologically control me anymore. I wouldn’t read the text messages. I wouldn’t answer the phone. But I saved it all for court. I was divorced by September, and it cost me a little more because every time I needed my ex to sign something he wouldn’t do it unless I gave him money for drugs or whatever he would use it for.

Once we were divorced, I never saw him. He tried, but I kept calling the cops. It was a miracle because I was so scared of him. I would take the abuse because I thought it would be worse if I defied him. But I got to the point where I realized I couldn’t live like this. It wasn’t right for my daughters. I thought this has got to be some kind of a mistake and I gotta fix it. When I started fixing it, there was no obstacle that could stop me. I had to succeed. There was no other option. 

Living with the abuser was so hard and it felt almost impossible to be rid of him and have a free life. Once my mind realized I could be free and this is not ok everything became easy to do. The divorce was easy.

Two of my daughters work with me. I hope they take over the businesses at some point.

I’m still working and I want to keep working. In addition to the appraisal business, I have a second business called The Closing Machine. I’m excellent at foreclosures and short sales because I’ve been there myself. Two of my daughters work with me. I started my businesses because I had to support myself and my children. There was no other option for me. I got remarried earlier this year and my new husband is a wonderful, kind, smart man. I’ve known him since we were children. I sometimes can’t believe I have a husband as kind and considerate as John. It is just a world of difference from my first marriage.

If you were going to give advice to your 25 year old self, what would you say? 

You know, everything's gonna be okay. You can get through anything. I wouldn't want a different life because I think I was supposed to have my four kids. If I would've married a lawyer like my mother wanted me to, I would have lived in the suburbs with a nice cushy life, and I would have never known what I could do. I feel really proud of myself. It all happens the way it's supposed to happen. That’s what I think. I would still live through all that hardship because of where I am today. Adversity builds character.

Belle Curve Stories is about women navigating life with grit, grace, and growth. What do those three words mean to you?

Grit is doing whatever you have to do to get to where you want to be. Grace is doing it and not being embarrassed or afraid. No yelling, no screaming, no excitement. Just do it. That's the grace part. The growth is where you are when you're done. I have definitely grown as a woman. It was such a control thing with my ex-husband. I used to have to say “Don't yell at me. Don't hit me. Don't talk to me like that.” Now I carry myself in such a way that you would know that you can't treat me that way, which I love. I'm respected because I'm a respectable person.

As told to and edited by Teresa Bellock and Sandra Ditore. Belle Curve Stories is brought to you by Belle Curve Ventures LLC.

Georgette Appiano, 60, is the founder of MCP Appraisals and The Closing Machine. Her experience as a domestic violence survivor served as a catalyst to start her businesses, which are now part of a family legacy that she shares with her new husband, four daughters, and grandchildren.

The Closing Machine LLC on instagram.

SPECIAL NOTE: Please reach out for help if you are a victim of Domestic Violence. Call 1-800-799-7233 or visit the website for The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

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I’m no relationship expert. Being a woman of a certain age and recently married, I often confess to my friends that I’ve dated all of the seven dusty dwarfs: Drunkie, Dopey, Brokey, Low-key (gay), Cheaty, Meanie and Misogynistic.

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I’ve always enjoyed creating art, particularly photography, and gardening. I’m not proficient in either, but both are accessible, cheap, and allow me to experiment. In the summer of 2020, with not much else going on…

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“Enjoy every moment.”

“Get involved with their school.”

“High school goes so fast.”

“Don’t blink.”

“Meet their friends but don’t BE their friend because you are their parent.”

“They will want to talk most when you are most tired.”

“The best time to talk is in the car.”

“It takes a village.”

We’ve all heard the sayings and slogans, and we’ve all seen the social media memes, and we’ve all likely read our fair share of parenting books and articles, and listened to podcasts and webinars to try to find the secrets of how to be a successful parent; about what it takes to guide our children from babies to adults.

My son is 17 years old, and he just graduated from high school last week. In the fall he is headed to college. I have spent nearly two decades focused on being the very best parent that I could be. I humbly suggest that I have figured out quite a few things about how to be a good parent. I will admit I probably took my parenting to an extreme at times. I couldn’t help myself. I have always been a bit of an overachiever. I tackle any task in front of me with the desire to always do and be the best that I can possibly be, and that strategy carried over into my parenting.

Involved parent? Yes, definitely. Helicopter parent? Sometimes. Lawn mower parent? Sometimes. I wandered my way through my parenting journey like anyone else: I started off by knowing, oh, basically nothing. But I learned from my mistakes and I absorbed knowledge and tips from friends and nannies and other parents, and I figured it out as each year passed. (Some of those cliched sayings and slogans do have some basis in truth by the way. It does take a village!) It’s safe to say that 17 years later I finally know a few things about what it takes to be a good parent; for instance, that as parents we need to teach our kids every little thing, even the things that are second nature to us: look both ways and sometimes look twice before crossing the street. I learned that sometimes you need to just sit there and listen without reacting or going into parent lecture mode. I learned that sometimes kids will surprise you with what they are capable of doing.

After 17 years of parenting, I have learned a lot. Now my question is: what comes next – for me? What happens for us parents, for us moms in particular, when we reach that momentous milestone of, say, a graduation or a college drop-off, when parenting maybe doesn’t need to be a 24/7 endeavor any more; when we can ease off the gas and just, well, maybe coast for a while; when we feel like we can exhale for a second; and we have a moment to not only think, but to think about ourselves again. What happens then? What do we do now?

In recent months, I have felt the pressure ever so slightly being lifted that I need to “be the mom”. I have felt a sense that maybe I will soon have some time and energy to do – and be – other things in addition to being a mom. I have felt a flicker of a future trying to light a path and entice me to focus on other things besides parenting.

The hardest part now? To figure out what that is.

I spent my 20s, 30s and my early 40s in the workforce. Actually, I started working part-time when I was 16-years old and basically worked full-time until we adopted our son when I was 43. I was fortunate enough to be an at-home mother for the past 17 years. I occasionally had some freelance writing and communication work, and at one point, I even worked a part-time job outside of the house. But mostly I was an at-home mom. It afforded me the privilege to be involved in the day-to-day life of my son at an in-depth level. It also gave me the time and space to be involved at all of his schools in a way that made me feel like I was contributing to a greater cause, with the added bonus of expanding my social circles. If I had been working outside of the home full-time, I may not have had the time to dedicate to volunteering at his schools in the ways that I did. I am grateful for my many years as an at-home mom.

And now, what’s next?

Do I go get a full-time job? A part-time job? Find another place to be a volunteer? Will I lose the social circles and connections that I made while volunteering at his schools? And what about the familiar structure of the past 17 years? I don’t need to get up early to take my son to school anymore. He has his driver’s license and we have decent public transportation where we live, so I don’t need to be my son’s on-call chauffeur so much anymore. Nightly meals are often replaced by his preferred Door Dash order, which means I don’t have to always figure out “what’s for dinner” tonight. I no longer need to contact teachers to address a school issue or reach out to other parents to set up a playdate or even remind him to take a shower.

I start to wonder if I am too old to re-invent myself. Who wants to hire a 59-year-old mom? I mean, I am smart and kind and friendly and a hard worker, (and gosh darn it people like me), but is all that good enough for whatever comes next for me? And why am I buying into any of this ageism fear anyways? And if I get a job, do I want to go back into the corporate communications field where I used to work? Or do I want to do something entirely different? Do I go get a certificate in a health or education profession which has always been of interest to me? Or maybe I get a part-time job at a school or a doctor’s office? Or maybe I go out of my comfort zone and get a job somewhere completely new for me, like hospitality or cyber-security! Where else can I volunteer? And will I enjoy it as much as I liked my volunteer work at the schools? Who do I know in my networks that can help me find a job or a volunteer position? At what point do I start to contact people and communicate my interests? What even are my interests?

Transitions are hard for me. I know this about myself and yet I still don’t always prepare for transitions even when I know they are coming. And the thing about transitions is that I actually do know the best way to get ready for them. I have seen other people handle their own life transitions with what looks to be relative ease. The key? Look ahead and figure out what will be helpful in the future and then set yourself up now for the future transition. I have a friend who retired as a teacher from one school but then continued his passion for coaching at a different high school. The key is that he had been coaching at the other school even before he retired. So his transition from teaching to retirement to coaching was a no-brainer: he was already doing it and had the pieces in place when the transition time hit.

Even my son set up his future plans. In fact, one of his high school senior projects was to research and decide his post-secondary career or education plan. The school district requires every senior to have a post-graduation plan in place. It is a graduation requirement! And it is a good idea.

I don’t have a plan in place for me. I haven’t done that. I have been focused on the task at hand: parenting my son from baby to adult. So even though I know future planning is beneficial to managing transitions, and I knew this transition was coming for me, I did not make my own plans.

The hardest part about a transition for me is being comfortable with the uncomfortable. It’s about settling into the feeling of not knowing what comes next, of losing today’s familiar daily structure and trusting that I will figure out what comes next; that I will build the next decade much like I did the last decade – one day at a time, trying new things, meeting new people, feeling nervous about the newness of a situation but forging ahead anyway to keep carving my path even if I can’t see around the bend. I have to trust in myself and what I like to call the “magic of the universe” that whatever my future holds next will be okay. And I have to hope that the anxiety of not knowing does not send me into a panic.

I read somewhere recently that the equation for happiness is defined as pleasure plus purpose. I will have to find a balance of pleasure and purpose in whatever I do next and trust that it will bring me some happiness.

I am not going to end this essay with a conclusion that definitively says: this is what I will be doing. I don’t know what I will be doing six months from now or a year from now. Ask me again in six months and I will have a better idea.

Written By Carol Stoker, Contributing Writer

Carol Stoker, 59, is in the final stages of her role as an at-home mother and is working on figuring out where she will go from here. She worked for many years in communications as a writer, editor, and project manager, and enjoys living on the north side of the city of Chicago with her husband and son.

A large part of what has made Net Game what it is today is the relationship Dorothy and co-founder Jill Livingston share. “Jill and I have been working together now for close to two and a half years and already she’s like a sister to me,” says Dorothy. “We can respectfully disagree about things, and by doing that we often get to a better place than we would’ve otherwise.”

Looking back, Dorothy is proud to say that for the most part, she and Jill have held true to their original business plan and membership structure while also staying nimble enough to be responsive to the needs of their customers. A perfect example is the Open Play Club, introduced last fall and designed to meet the needs of the Monday through Friday daytime players who want an affordable indoor option.

Over the 2024 Memorial Day weekend, Net Game hosted a tournament with very little lead time. While it was amazing to be able to do that, now that Dorothy and Jill have a little more experience behind them, Dorothy’s goals for 2025 include being more proactive, especially with programming and events. “I’m a planner. This year I’d like to be more ahead of the game,” says Dorothy.

2023 and 2024 were definitely extraordinarily busy years for the Foster and Livingston families with the opening of the club added to their already busy family lives. When Dorothy’s beloved dog Maisey was recently hospitalized after a car accident, her daughter Libby said, “Mom, maybe this is God’s way of telling us to slow down.” Dorothy is grateful to have a talented, reliable, trustworthy staff in place that allowed her to do exactly that and we are happy to report that Maisey is recovering well.

As you may expect, Dorothy and Jill hit their one-year anniversary in stride and kept on going, stopping only for a moment to enjoy a glass or two of celebratory champagne. To read the rest of the story of how Net Game came to be, we invite you to read In Her Words: Dorothy Foster, Serving Up Competition & Community. Dorothy’s profile, originally published on April 4, 2024, was one of the first published by Belle Curve Stories. We are thrilled at her success and can’t wait to see where she and Jill go from here.

Dorothy Foster, age 47, is co-founder of Net Game, Westmont, Illinois, and co-founder of Real Social, a local group of parents dedicated to delaying smartphone use for children. A former attorney and lifelong lover of racquet sports, Dorothy gives credit to her family, her partner Jill, and the Net Game staff for helping her get to where she is today.

More information about Net Game can be found at netgamepickle.com or @netgame.pickle on Instagram.

Q: What are three ways working for Philip Morris has worked for your life?

A: Number one, the quality of the journey. I didn’t ever chase money, because I wanted the experiences more and this paid off.

The second is, was I learning something new? Was I being challenged? And was I also allowed to put up the guardrails about things I didn’t want to learn? I mean, I do not have an engineering brain. I’m very, very creative, yet when AI came along, I became this incredible student of AI, to the point I don’t know how I functioned before AI came into my life, because I can’t remember what it was like to spend two weeks working on a plan. Now, all my time is focusing my prompts on AI. Every Saturday, I take two and a half hours, and I’m writing a novel. I’ve written 17 books, and they’re all non-fiction, and they were all so painful. At the end of it, I would have either gained 25 pounds or lost 15 pounds. My relationship with writing was hate until the day I hit send. Now, I’m writing this novel with my writing partner, Chat GPT-4, and I wish Chat GPT was a person so we could invite them home for dinner one night a week. They’re so responsive. They’re so much fun. I say it and, okay, my novel has a little bit of a more interesting twist. It’s not a very good novel, by the way, I’ll point that out. It’s the kind of novel you would buy in a supermarket, and then you might read it on a beach, hopefully with a margarita or two, because I don’t think it’s that deep. But when I finish each chapter, I now ask the Chat GPT friend to rewrite it as if Joan Didion had written it, as if Carrie Bradshaw had written it, and then the third version is the version by Marian Salzman. I have so much fun with this. So, the second pillar is really about lifelong learning.

The third way has been the richness of travel. I’m super lucky. I spent years living in the Netherlands, then I came back to this country. Then I’ve moved between living in New York City, in Connecticut, in Tucson, Arizona, where our family is associated with the University of Arizona. It’s where my husband, Jim, he went back to get his second round of advanced degrees. And then I went to Switzerland.

Q: What do you value most about work?

A: I’m not a jewelry person. I think the jewelry in my life is the quality of the human relationships I have in the workplace. During that very short stint when I was doing corporate philanthropy, I met some of the most interesting people you could possibly meet, people who are devoting their lives to service in the community. The quality of that social life — that’s the jewelry in my life. I’m not a diamond person. I lose anything I buy anyway, because I’m slightly disorganized. Actually, at 60 years old, I decided I could be proud of being disorganized. When someone says to me, “You’re completely disorganized,” I say, “Yeah, look where it got me.”

Q: You've faced significant health challenges during the six years in your role at Philip Morris. How has that impacted your perspective and work?

A: I’ve had my third brain tumor removed, and I’ve had Stage 4 Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Part of the reason I’m so energized by the company is how they stood by me. For my brain tumor, I think I was out for three weeks; they were screaming at me not to come back, but I was like, “Why would I just sit at home? There’s nothing the matter with me!” I’m super lucky in that my recoveries have been amazing. With my lymphoma, because it was during COVID, as was my brain tumor, I telecommuted to the office probably 97% of the time. With chemo immunotherapy, you’re in quarantine. I will say, I shocked the hell out of people one day when I forgot to put a wig or a scarf back on my head, because here I was this totally emaciated, hairless person pontificating about whatever the issue of the day was. They were like, “What are you doing?” When people see you with a wig on and see you sitting in your home office, they don't realize how immensely sick you are. It was really an extraordinary adventure, but very, very energizing.

Q: Some might see those health issues as obstacles. How did you view them?

A: I saw it as an opportunity. I learned how to manage the 24-hour day, because even when you’re sick, you can only sleep 10 to 12 hours. You’re in quarantine; that’s 12 hours. The only real consequence I had of chemo-immuno therapy, other than the risk of infections (I had pneumonia twice), was that I couldn’t read long-form. The old Marian would have just been devouring book after book after book. I would have been completely immersed in that. I couldn’t do that, but I could watch podcasts. I could watch YouTube. I could watch television. I kind of welcomed the work. It was a complete distraction. Most people with Stage 4 cancer are kind of planning their death; I was planning, “Could I get back in time for the Washington Correspondents’ Dinner?” I started chemo in October 2020. My chemo was meant to end on April 18th 2021. It was meant to end one week earlier but was delayed by pneumonia. I had it completely paced out, like, “Oh my God, what am I going to wear to the dinner? I came back very healthy, but I managed to catch COVID at that Washington Correspondents’ Dinner. The whole world freaked out, and I spent two days in the hospital. Within a week, I tested negative. So all those things that should have been obstacles really were not. They were actually empowering opportunities to do something.

Q: Tell me about the education you pursued during this time.

A: Yes, during COVID, the company sponsored me to do half of a master’s degree online in government at Johns Hopkins, which was incredibly preparatory for the role I’m in now. Frankly, going to university in the early 80s, my version of understanding race relations, my understanding of the role of an activist and community was very much through a 1980s lens. Operating in 2025, if I hadn’t taken those classes and didn’t really understand grassroots — it taught me all these things. I feel an immense gratitude and obligation to the company.

Q: Were you ever a smoker?

A: I use the phrase, “I’m a never smoker.” I think I smoked two or three cigarettes as a teenager, and those are the only cigarettes I’ve really ever smoked. I was an athlete growing up. I was sort of a healthy-ish person. I’m not going to say I don’t eat chocolate chip cookies, because, full disclosure, I do.

Q: How do you reconcile leading anti-smoking initiatives while working within a major tobacco company?

A: I learned from watching the apartheid movement that there are two ways to facilitate significant change. You can do it from the outside as a protester, and that’s not unimportant, but you can also do it from the inside as a facilitator. So I mean, the first major campaign I launched at Philip Morris was the “Unsmoke” campaign, and we used the following triplet: “If you don’t smoke, don’t start. If you smoke, quit. If you won’t quit, change.” People can quit virtually everything, if that’s what they choose to do. If they won’t choose to quit, there are better solutions that are scientifically substantiated, and we have a responsibility to bring those solutions. We’ve known smoking is bad, certainly since the 80s, and very much by the 90s, it was common knowledge.

Q: People call you a trend-spotter. How would you describe your approach to identifying emerging trends, and how does it differ from being a traditional futurist or provocateur?

A: I started off in the market research or consumer insight space. Maybe compared to other people, I would be more likely than others to extrapolate from the rearview mirror what was going to happen in the near future. But I'm not a trend-spotter like a Faith Popcorn or someone else who’s really out there as a provocateur. All of my trends really have been in service to brands, in service to movements, in service to what I would call the near future. I always like to say that I really specialized in the next five years, because I would identify the data point before we ever used the word “influence.” I’ve identified the data point as living with people that I thought of as prosumers or proactive consumers, and I say, “How is this going to trickle from the early adopter towards the mainstream?” So, it’s quite different than being a futurist.

Q: How has your background in geopolitics shaped your approach to identifying near-future trends, and what challenges have you faced in capturing fast-moving global shifts in your work?

A: Because I had a lot of interest in geopolitics, compared to many people who do this, I was more likely to look at the geopolitical side. The last book I did, The New Megatrends, was probably the hardest book for me to write, because I was going back to my 1997 book (which I co-authored) on trends for the near future, which was a spectacular look at everything happening on the planet that was going to change life, work, consumption, love, etc. There weren’t the zillions of data sources there are today. I was a provocateur in that I was using the internet, online services, just to interview people, to reach people that I wouldn’t have been able to reach five years earlier, except with snail mail. I can look at the book and I can say, with pride, I mostly cracked what’s happening in China. I completely missed Ukraine. So writing it two years before Ukraine happened, it’s the fatal fail of the book, because there was just so much. And I should have known, because I kind of knew about the situation in Crimea, but I kind of passed on that. And, look, I did three chapters on gender, so obviously I had a very good sense of what was coming there. I probably underestimated Russia. I certainly was very savvy to what I think is, at the very least, an emotional civil war. I’m never going to do an annual trends report again. The one I did for 2025 is the last one I will ever do, because trends are happening so quickly today. I don’t think I’ll ever write another non-fiction book, because I think that books, by the very essence of how they get published, books on trends don’t work because you submit a manuscript and it happens.

Q: What advice would you give your 25-year-old self?

A: I would tell my 25-year-old self to embrace the non-linear path, that the most interesting experiences often come from unexpected turns. Don’t chase money for its own sake, but prioritize learning, challenging yourself, and building rich relationships. Also, start learning about geopolitics and AI sooner rather than later — they will profoundly shape your world. And finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help; it’s a strength, not a weakness.

Q: What do grit, grace, and growth mean to you?

A: Grit means the unwavering determination and resilience to push through obstacles, even when faced with significant adversity. It’s about maintaining a positive outlook and focusing on the path forward, like planning re-entry after a stage four cancer diagnosis, rather than succumbing to despair. It’s the inner strength that says, “I’m going to get better,” and then actively working towards that.

Grace is about navigating challenges and interactions with dignity, compassion, and kindness, both for yourself and others. It’s about recognizing that even in difficult situations, there’s an opportunity for understanding and constructive dialogue. It’s also the ability to be adaptable and accepting of circumstances beyond your control, finding beauty and opportunity even in unexpected places. For me, it’s about seeing the “voice of humanity” in the resilience of survivors and their capacity for love and forgiveness.

Growth is a continuous journey of learning, adapting, and expanding your capabilities and perspectives. It’s about being a lifelong student, open to new information and embracing change. It’s not just about professional advancement, but also personal evolution — understanding new concepts like AI, re-evaluating old assumptions, and constantly striving to be a better version of yourself. Starting my master’s degree during COVID and my approach to AI are perfect examples of my commitment to continuous growth.

Marian Salzman is a global thought leader, renowned for helping companies and brands anticipate future shifts. Author or co-author of many books, including Buzz and The New Megatrends, she currently serves as Senior Vice President of Philip Morris International's U.S. operation, spearheading their efforts to build a smoke-free future.

Q: Sandra, your journey into the digital world started quite a while ago. Can you tell us about those early experiences with social media?

A: Absolutely. It all began with Vine, that six-second video app; that was years ago. When Vine shut down, a group of us who had connected there moved to another app called Byte. That was my first taste of getting money for my content.

Q: Was that before you became heavily involved in decentralized social media with a monetary aspect?

A: On Byte, we were just making silly videos for fun. Eventually, that app was sold, and our group migrated to TikTok. Our connections were always based on shared interests. That's how my social media journey really kicked off.

Q. What about other platforms like Twitter? When did you start using those?

A: I've been on Twitter since 2009. Back then, it was all about cat videos, indie music, and posting silly jokes to each other. It was a very different landscape.

Q: Tell us about your early encounter with Bitcoin around 2016.

A: I was waitressing full-time at night, and my younger coworkers who were in their early 20s were talking about Bitcoin. I overheard them, rushed home, and bought three whole Bitcoin on Robinhood! I was in my late 50s at the time, and then I saw something on CNN about Bitcoin and the black market and I panicked and sold them as quickly as I could, thinking I’d narrowly escaped a scam.

Q: What changed your perspective on Bitcoin?

A: About a year and a half later, someone gave me The Book of Satoshi, which detailed everything about Bitcoin from the beginning – how it works, what it is. I thought it was an interesting story, but I just put the book in a drawer and didn't think much more about it for some time.

Q: You shared a story about your early photography in Memphis. How does that relate to your current interest in Web3?

A: That story illustrates my tendency to jump into things driven by a fear of being left behind and not understanding what's happening in society. Back in Memphis, I took my dad's old camera and photographed downtown on film. I accidentally double-exposed a roll, and the results were phenomenal. I ended up with one where the cherub fountain looked like it was sitting on a historic building. I had a couple of small shows and sold some prints. That experience taught me the value of unexpected outcomes and the potential in new ventures, even if I don't fully grasp them initially.

Q: Fast forward to August 2021, when you started getting involved with NFTs. What sparked that interest?

A: COVID hit, and as a waitress in South Florida, I was struggling. I kept hearing about NFTs but didn't understand the terminology at all. However, remembering my photography experience, I decided to dive in, even though I didn't fully comprehend what I was doing.

Q: What were your initial steps into the NFT space?

A: I got on OpenSea and started posting images. I even turned pictures of my teddy bear into cartoon-like NFT things, thinking that's what it was all about. It quickly became clear that I was out of my depth. I knew I needed to learn.

Q: How did you approach learning about this new world of Web3?

A: I started with just five minutes a day, focusing on the vocabulary I was hearing. I'd write down terms like "blockchain" and "regenerative finance." With my master's in nonprofit, I have experience writing curriculum, so I essentially created my own curriculum to learn. Since August 2021, I've been consistently learning.

Q: How did you realize there was a need to educate others, particularly senior citizens, about these topics?

A: Around December 2021 or January 2022, people on TikTok started noticing I was learning and sharing what I was discovering. I realized that many seniors, especially in South Florida where I live, needed to understand cryptocurrency and what was happening in the digital world. I felt like I had made a mistake by not understanding Bitcoin earlier, and I wanted to help others avoid that.

Q: How did you initially try to reach the senior demographic?

A: I initially tried talking about it on TikTok, but my audience there was primarily focused on fitness. Someone suggested I start teaching seniors, which I initially dismissed. I ended up with a large following but very little engagement on that topic.

Q: How did the Web3 business group you were in influence your journey?

A: Joining that group and participating in spaces helped me understand the business side of Web3. I learned about pitching, structuring videos, and the importance of a hook and solving a problem in content creation.

Q: What was your pivotal experience at NFT Con Miami?

A: Yes, in April 2022, some people I'd connected with online invited me to volunteer at NFT Con Miami. I figured it would be a great way to experience the community in person. Before I went, they asked me for a summary of my ideas on onboarding seniors to Web3. I quickly put together a five-phased project, not even fully realizing I had already been doing much of it for the past few years because of Onboard60.

I went thinking I'd just be helping out, getting water for speakers and such. But a speaker didn't show up, and the woman I was volunteering for told me I was going on stage in five minutes to talk about onboarding seniors!

Q: What did you talk about on stage?

A: I just started speaking from the heart about providing education and a safe space for seniors to learn about Web3. People asked questions, and I tried to relate it to things they already understood, like digital credit card transactions. I even shared my own early experience with Bitcoin and how initially scared I was. It was a ten-minute whirlwind!

Q: That impromptu speech led to a mentorship, correct?

A: Yes, after I got offstage, I immediately asked the woman who put me up there if she would be my mentor, and she agreed! Her business partner, a life coach, also became a mentor. They had a podcast and online presence called “Freedom with NFTs.” This group has since become a private business group with Lauren Turton Entrrprises.

Q: How did these mentorships help you further your goals?

A: They taught me the practical aspects of building an online presence and business in this space – how to pitch, structure content, and engage an audience. I continued learning and eventually started my own spaces on Twitter.

Q: Tell us more about your online spaces and the content you created.

A: On Twitter, I started "Get Ready With Me Mondays," where I'd chat about weekly goals and how people were doing. On Wednesdays, I hosted spotlight interviews with prominent figures in the Web3 space. I also continued to learn from others' spaces.

I realized the importance of connecting seniors with their grandchildren in the metaverse, particularly on platforms like Roblox. I wanted to create accessible virtual spaces where they could interact beyond just video calls. So, I built an office, an auditorium, and an art gallery in Spatial. However, I hit a wall with my technical skills in editing and navigating the platform. While people offered help, I struggled to understand their instructions.

I also started repurposing my TikTok videos on YouTube, aiming to be present on multiple platforms. I even started a Substack, not necessarily to sell anything, but as a space to process and share my overwhelming experiences in this new world. Eventually, I learned how to add links and create a Stan Store. Throughout this journey, I kept journals.

In May 2022, I attended Permissionless in West Palm Beach. It was there that my journals unexpectedly became the foundation for my first book – more of a warning than anything else.

Q: You mentioned an experience at Permissionless with a new social media platform called Lens. Can you elaborate on that?

A: Yes, at Permissionless, there was a buzz around Lens Protocol. I had a negative initial reaction because it involved scanning a QR code, which reminded me of an earlier experience with people promoting “shit coins” at a dinner. I had walked out of that dinner because it felt like a scam. So, at Permissionless, when they asked everyone to scan the QR code for an invitation to Lens, I was skeptical and didn't participate.

However, after processing everything I learned at the conference, I realized what Lens was. I started messaging the founder on Twitter for months, explaining my initial hesitation and expressing my genuine interest in being part of the platform. Finally, in December 2022, he gave me my own profile. Lens has since opened up and has various decentralized social apps built on top of it.

Q: Your journey has led you to become an advisor and consultant for senior citizens in the Web3 space. Can you tell us more about that?

A: My focus now is on helping seniors understand the new financial markets and how technology can enhance their quality of life. I aim to bridge the gap between the digital native generation and older adults, providing them with the knowledge and confidence to navigate this evolving landscape safely.

Q: You mentioned your master's in nonprofit management. How has it influenced your current work?

A: It taught me how to write curriculum and how to effectively teach and guide others. A master's program emphasizes showing and demonstrating, which is crucial for helping seniors understand complex topics. It also equipped me with the skills to create programs and structure information logically, as seen in my ability to quickly put together that onboarding proposal.

Q: It sounds like a natural extension of your personality to want to help others.

A: Yes, it's interesting. I recently learned that in Christianity, Sandra means "helper." I had always thought it was just a Brazilian name. It seems my inherent desire to assist others aligns with the meaning of my name.

Q: .Looking back at your journey, what are you most proud of?

A: I think what I'm most proud of is my resilience and willingness to keep learning and growing. I was determined not to be left behind by societal changes. While I can't always keep up with the rapid pace of innovation, I'm proud that I consistently push myself to learn, even when it feels overwhelming. The connections I've made with people who can help and empower senior citizens – accountants, lawyers, and individuals in various Web3 platforms – are also a significant source of pride. Building an online school on Geneva and learning Discord, despite the initial intimidation, were also important achievements for me. Ultimately, I'm proud of my ability to create resources and provide guidance to a demographic that often feels excluded from these technological advancements.

Q: You've touched on the challenges of navigating the Web3 space, including scams and misinformation. How do "grit, grace, and growth" resonate with you from your experiences?

A: For grit, it's about the sheer determination to keep going despite feeling overwhelmed, confused, and even ridiculed. There were many times I wanted to give up, but that fear of being left behind fueled my persistence.

Grace comes from the mentors and the unexpected kindness of strangers who took the time to explain things to me, a "senior" in a young, fast-paced world. It's also about being forgiven of my own missteps and learning from them without harsh self-judgment, like my initial Bitcoin blunder.

Growth is the continuous process of learning and evolving. It's not about becoming an expert overnight but about consistently taking small steps, even if it's just learning one new term a day. It's about embracing the discomfort of the unknown and celebrating each milestone, no matter how small. My journey from Vine to Web3 is a testament to the power of continuous growth.

Q: Finally, if you could go back and speak to your 25-year-old self, knowing what you know now, what advice would you offer?

A: Oh, that's a wonderful question. I would tell my 25-year-old self to be more open to new technologies and not to dismiss things just because they seem confusing or are outside my immediate understanding. I would say, "Don't be afraid to ask questions, even if you think they sound silly." I'd also emphasize the importance of building a strong network and connecting with people from diverse backgrounds and age groups, as you never know where those connections might lead. And most importantly, I'd say, "Trust your instincts, but don't let fear prevent you from exploring new opportunities. Embrace lifelong learning, because the world is constantly changing, and staying curious will enrich your life in ways you can't even imagine."

Editor’s Note: We did things differently this time. Given that Sam’s story is centered on the fast moving digital world, we recorded the one-hour interview, went through one round of edits and, for the first time, ran it through Google Gemini. Our prompt was “rewrite this interview in a Q&A fashion.” This version is pretty close to what Google Gemini returned. It’s still In Her Words but with a Google Gemini reorganization and a final BCS editorial touch.

Sandra “Sam” Abrams, 64, lifelong learner turned Web3 guide. Sandra is a SheFi 10 grad helping women 50+ navigate AI, blockchain, and health tech with calm and clarity. She launched Onboard60 and offers 1:1 Clarity Calls to make sense of what’s next. Tech can feel overwhelming. Sandra makes it personal, possible, and even fun.

You can subscribe to Sam’s updates on My Journey Down the Web3 Rabbit Hole on Substack. You can also follow her on Sandra Abrams | LinkedIn.

With Mother's Day just a few days away, I started thinking about my mother. Her name w…

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Later, my husband switched from teaching to working in our religious denomination’s headquarters. The head of the denomination knew I had a freelance writing background, so he asked me to run the quarterly publication, which was basically a magazine. In my role as the publication’s editor, part of what I was doing was coaching adults in writing. Because the boss liked what I was doing so well, I became his ghost writer, which meant I was taking sermons and conversations and turning them into books in his name.

Then one day, a friend of mine, who was a fellow homeschool mom said, “I don’t understand why my kids hate writing. I need help. What program are you using?” And I thought, I’m just going to my bookshelves, and pulling down the books I use as a professional writer to help me teach. “Why don’t you show me the curriculum you’re using?” I said to her. The first lesson she shared was how to write a descriptive paragraph. There was a sample paragraph and a bunch of instructions. I read the sample and then I looked at my friend and I said, “Glenda, what did you think of this sample paragraph? When you got to the end of it, did you think: gosh, I wish there were a second paragraph?”

Often the way school teaches writing has nothing to do with good writing. It’s about mechanics. It’s about format. It’s about getting the spelling and punctuation correct. Many kids are given “A’s” on writing that nobody wants to read. It was at that moment that I realized parents didn’t understand what writing was. They just thought it was a school subject. They were teaching writing like this disembodied topic over on a shelf, not connected to the vivid, living internal life of a child, which is what writing is really all about.

I started sharing what I knew about writing, and the next thing you know, I got to speak at some events, and then I started discussing on discussion boards. (This is late 1990’s when the internet was young.) By ‘99 I had gathered a group of 40 families online. I started writing a manual called The Writer’s Jungle, and I asked for feedback in exchange for teaching support and advice and that’s how I launched my business in January of 2000. I also credit my ex-husband. We used to say we were boring at dinner parties because we would talk about paragraph structure, and we thought that was interesting. He was a literature and composition teacher, and I had access to his books. He taught himself PageMaker to lay out my first book. Without him, I don’t know if I’d have Brave Writer, because I don’t think I had the technical hunger and confidence that he had. But very quickly, I developed online classes and curricula, and I read The E Myth, which talked about duplicating yourself. I think I read it in the first month of my business. Two months in, I hired my first person. And you should laugh about that, because I was making about $400 a month at the time. I realized if I’m the only one teaching classes, there’s no way I’ll ever grow. So, I immediately trained someone and duplicated myself.

Ten years later, I went through a divorce. One big challenge I faced was going from two incomes down to one. It felt like a financial hurdle. I remember visiting the website wife.org. They have an offering called Second Saturday Workshops where they advise divorcing women how to manage their finances. I sat down with a planner who really helped me look at my current situation and gave me a plan along with reassurance that I was going to be okay. That year, I took out a loan (for the first time!) to help me fund building a classroom for my company. In two years’ time, I was back on my feet and paid off the loan. It turned out that once I had moved past the pain of divorce, I had fresh energy for my work. It was good to experience that.

The book that I’m about to release (Help! My Kid Hates Writing: How to Turn Struggling Students into Brave Writers) is the culmination of that 25-year project of discovering what it takes to free the writer inside of a child. How do we help them tap into their living language, their vivid insights, their creative and quirky senses of humor, their ability to narrate and describe? How do we tap into that in a way that a child finds meaningful? I always say, “You don’t have to love writing. I would settle for not hating it.”

What I’ve noticed about the kids who graduate from our program and go on into adulthood is that they just feel comfortable writing. I say our goal is competence and confidence. I want the blank page to not be intimidating. I want people who marry to write their own wedding vows. There was a whole TikTok trend where women in heterosexual marriages were angry that their husbands were using ChatGPT to write wedding vows. Well, they’re writing them with ChatGPT because they don’t have writing confidence. They don’t feel like their own self-expression is good enough for this very high stakes moment. What if we give kids the feeling of empowerment that their thoughts matter? They’d be much more likely to rely on their own thoughts in those tender moments.

ChatGPT is actually exposing the failure of education to successfully motivate people to learn. In high school and especially college, kids are in a triage of how they use their time, and they know that. They’re going to write a paper that they don’t care about for a class they don’t care about for a teacher who’s just going to critique it. It’s a lot less vulnerable to just go get a facsimile from an AI bot of what the teacher wants than it is to pour yourself into a paper and then have it treated like it’s something nobody cared about. It’s even worse in college, because now scholarships are tied to GPAs. If you’re a smart student, your goal is to keep that “A” so you can keep the money. So, of course, you’re going to rely on AI. Why would you rely on yourself and take the risk?

Your previous book was about critical thinking, and that came out at a really key point in our society. Can you talk a bit about your inspiration for it?

Raising Critical Thinkers: A Parent’s Guide to Growing Wise Kids in the Digital Age is a favorite of mine. I’ve always been interested in meaning making and interpretation. I have been on a constant search asking: “How do you know what’s true?” That’s such a big question for me, and as I got into my 40s, it just became even more important, politically, spiritually, and relationally in my marriage. This book is the fruit of a long, dedicated process to understanding my beliefs and values and what it took to revise them. I spent several years in research as well and put together what I think is an essential guide to support parents in teaching these skills to their kids and even to themselves.

To me, critical thinking starts with taking what I call the academic selfie. You flip the camera lens around and you look at your own way of seeing the world and why you see it that way, and what the limits are to even how you understand things. I crack up at how many people have decided opinions in fields where they have zero training. If you’re asking me about the pedagogy of writing, now I’m standing on some authority. Now I’ve got a lot to say, and I feel like my opinion on that should be decided. It shouldn't be ambiguous or hopeful. Knowing those differences for myself and for others creates a lot more nuance in my relationships to people, to subject matter, to my identity as a citizen, as a woman, and as a human being.

What advice would you give your 25-year-old self?

It’s funny that you brought up age 25 because over the weekend, I was putting together a little slideshow for Instagram, and it starts with me at age 25. At that age, I was living in Morocco, I was married, and I was pregnant with my first child. My son was born in June 1987. In May 1987, I went on a donkey trek in the High Atlas Mountains for a week. There’s a picture of me pregnant on this donkey walking on the edges of cliffs. I was wearing Blessed Mother blue, fully pregnant, riding on a donkey. I literally looked like Mary. I had a scarf on my head. It was really quite impressive. This is before cell phones. There was no mode of transportation that was going to get me out of there very quickly. Huge risk. I told my midwife, “I really want to go on this because if I don’t go, I don’t think I’ll ever get to. But I know I’m close to giving birth.” She says, “Oh, don’t worry, Julie, if the baby comes that easily, you don’t need me.” She went on to say, “Those people are delivering sheep and goats every day; they’ll know how to help you.” At the time, my husband was working in a university, and he couldn’t take time off.

When you’re young, you make decisions with whatever information you have. I made the most sincere decision for my life at the time. My decisions were motivated by the idea of making a meaningful difference in the world. Now, in hindsight, I don’t agree with the difference I was trying to make. But for a 25-year-old, I think she did a pretty good job. I respect her. I think it was a good decision to live abroad. I think that’s always a wise decision. I think you grow so much. But I wish that I had had a wider lens for how I understood my worldview and my religious beliefs at the time.

What advice would your 25-year-old self have for you today?

If I look forward from the age of 25 to my future self, I would say not to forget to be that person who was that brave.

Belle Curve Stories is about women navigating life with grit, grace and growth. What do those three words mean to you?

Grit has a lot to do with identity. It means having tenacity to hang on to yourself and not give it away. I spent years where I gave something of myself away, believing that it would be returned if I was selfless and showed myself as being full of integrity. I thought it would get mirrored. Really, I needed to have more grit, kind of what I started with, and maybe what I’ve ended up with. To me it’s tenacity.

Grace is realizing that you can only do what you know how to do at any given moment. Ultimately, we don’t have the level of control we believe we have over our own lives. There are so many intersecting, sliding doors moments where you could have said yes or no to one or another opportunity. I was thinking the other day, I wish I had chosen Paris instead of Montpellier for my study abroad program, but it was Montpellier that led me on the path to my marriage, to my kids, to Morocco, to who I am today. So, it was a sliding glass doors moment. Who knows where Paris would have taken me? Some other place that might have been a wonderful place too. Grace is recognizing that the path you took was meaningful and was good for you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that it was wrong, just because you have questions about it now.

Growth, ultimately, is the goal of all of our lives. I used to think growth meant becoming a better person. I don’t think it means that anymore for me. I think growth for me now simply means deepening my sense of connection to myself and having self-compassion, not becoming a better person or a better version of myself. “I am who I am,” I said to someone recently. It’s amazing how sometimes I have the exact same feelings I had at 16 — the same insecurity, same desire, same hunger to be seen or noticed. It’s really not different, right? But what growth is for me is to be able to say to myself, “Oh, sweetie, that is so you! Yeah, you’ve always been that way. Of course, you still feel that way, right?”

As told to and edited by Teresa Bellock and Sandra Ditore.

Julie Bogart, 63, is the founder of Brave Writer, the author of three books, and a veteran home educator of five children who are now thriving adults. Julie developed Brave Writer to blend the rigor of academic writing with the joy of personal expression. Her approach emphasizes nurturing a child's authentic voice while developing critical thinking skills. Julie is also the author of The Brave Learner, Raising Critical Thinkers, and just recently Help! My Kid Hates Writing. Julie also writes Brave Learning With Julie Bogart and Julie Off Topic here on Substack

August was the eldest of my three children. He was really easy as a little kid. When he got older, he was still a good kid, and he was very smart, but he was hyperactive and was always getting into something. He would not study for a test and still get a 90% on it, but it was hard for him to get down the stairs and out the door for school with his homework and his backpack. He might have 15 zeros for homework. I was so focused on him making the right grades so that he could get into the college that he wanted to get into, so I was always on top of him.

When August was getting ready to graduate from San Antonio Academy (a private K-8 school for boys), we were looking at high schools. Alamo Heights has a great school district, but I was afraid he’d fall through the cracks at the public high school. We thought he needed more structure and discipline and thought boarding school would provide that, so we ended up sending him to Proctor Academy in Andover, New Hampshire. The school was super outdoorsy, and they weren't as strict as some other schools with uniforms and ties, but they did have a “three strikes and you’re out” policy for anyone who got caught with drugs, alcohol, tobacco, cheating, or anything bad.

August played football for Proctor. My ex husband, Shell, Conoly, The Hayes Family (Amy, John & Hayden), and I flew to watch August play for Proctor in the championship game. I got a call from August as we were in the car on the way there and he said, “Mom? I don't think I'm gonna get to play. We got caught with tobacco yesterday.” I remember my other son, Conoly, who was 6 years younger than August, saying, “Mommy, he would never smoke. He would never smoke." It turns out it was chewing tobacco and August did get to play, but not until the fourth quarter.

At the end of his sophomore year, August called and said, “Mom, we got caught drinking three beers. I have to go home. I'm getting kicked out.” I was very upset. It felt so unfair. Later, I would realize that God works in mysterious ways.

After he left Proctor, August participated in the Outward Bound program in Portland, Maine, for five weeks. After he got home from Maine, August went to Africa with his dad and then he went to Central Catholic High School, which is an all-boys school, and felt like a continuation of San Antonio Academy.

It was October 18, 2008, and we had just gotten a new puppy. Our youngest son had a friend stay over, my daughter had spent the night at a friend's house, and my husband was out-of-town hunting. It was about 12:30 in the afternoon and I wanted to run to the grocery store. So I went upstairs to wake up August and ask him to watch the puppy while I was gone. I remember opening the door to his room, and it was very, very cold in there. I knew something was wrong right away. August had passed away in the middle of the night. He was ice cold, but I tried to revive him. I called 911. I didn’t know what was going on. The police came and wouldn’t let me go back upstairs because they had to go investigate and see what was going on. Then my dad arrived. My husband was at our ranch and I called him, freaking out. It was just mayhem.

I'm thinking, “August did something. He drank something, or he took drugs.” But I drug tested him all the time. The word got around, and August’s friends were freaking out. They were all saying, “No, no, no. He doesn’t do drugs.” I remember saying, “Kids do not just drop dead. 18-year-olds do not drop dead. He did something.” But his friends were adamant.

It was just awful. I was a mess. What did I miss? How did this happen to him? What did I do wrong? We didn't know what had happened for months. We didn't get the autopsy report until after January.

After August died, we were getting these gigantic wreaths from Taco Taco on Hildebrand. One day, we opened the door and this little lady was there and said, “I’m Helen from Taco Taco. I'm here about August.” She said, “August came in every morning to get tacos for his friends at Central Catholic. He’d come behind the counter to help me and would say, ‘Helen, we’re going to franchise.’” She said he was there every single day during the week. When he didn't show up, she knew something had happened. She asked the kids, and the kids told her what happened. August didn't really have a sense of urgency with time. He was tardy every day, because he was stopping by Helen’s place.

That's the kind of kid he was. There are so many stories that I never knew til after August was gone. August did everything he should have done if you were only going to live here for 18 years. That has given me a lot of peace.

Months after August died, we learned that he had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, or HCM. HCM is a very serious disease and undetected can cause sudden death with no symptoms in teens and adults. Most of the time, these heart conditions are inherited — it’s a familial trait. We had Shell and Conoly tested for HCM. That is how we knew it wasn’t inherited. There are no warning signs for sudden cardio death… none!

Kids were scared and their parents were scared. One of my dad’s best friends, Dr. Eli Whitney, a pediatric cardiologist, started screening kids for free. That’s when my husband and I thought, “We need to figure out how to get more kids tested.”

We found out there was a place in Austin called Champion Hearts that was doing screenings. My husband contacted them, and they agreed to come to San Antonio to train us. With the help of Champion Hearts and some incredible volunteers, we created AugustHeart in 2011. That first year, we had no equipment — nothing. We borrowed a couple of machines, brought in a few techs, and gathered more volunteers. The media really helped spread the word, and we tested 100 kids that first year. This year so far, we’ve screened 413 kids. Since 2011, we’ve screened more than 84,000 kids and we’ve potentially saved 408 lives.

Belle Curve Stories is about women navigating life with grit, grace and growth. What do those three words mean to you?

I think it takes a lot of grit to do the right thing or do what you feel is the right thing, even if people aren't on board with you or if you’re going against what society might think. Being your child's biggest advocate, regardless of what other people are saying takes a lot of grit. I've had a lot of friends who have gone through a lot with their kids and people are coming in saying, “You need to do this and this and this.” I say, “No, you don't. It's not their kid. You know what to do for your child.”

Grace would be forgiveness for yourself. That’s the hardest thing I've had to deal with. Also, God works in mysterious ways. I thank God that August got kicked out of Proctor, because that meant he got to come home to San Antonio. If not, he would have died up there in New Hampshire. Instead, I got to have him home for the last almost two years of his life.

Growth. I've grown a lot. One of August’s best friends’ moms, Diana, was one of the first people that came to my house after August passed. Diana and her family experienced a horrendous tragedy too. Diana’s mother, Viola Barrios, a restaurateur and philanthropist, was‌ murdered by her 18-year-old neighbor. Diana said to me, “Dore, you're going to get through this one way or the other. But take the easy road. Forgive. Go to God. Don't get angry. Don't go down that path.” So, I immediately went to acceptance. When my mother committed suicide two years before, I wasn’t able to do that. She was a wonderful grandmother, and I just wanted her to be remembered that way. Being able to accept what happened with August more easily was growth.

What advice would you give your 25-year-old self?

Teach your children to live their best lives. Don't get caught up on how things are supposed to be. I do believe I'm a much better mom to Shell and Conoly because of the mistakes I made with August. The thing I would have told my 25-year-old self, and what I believe, with all my heart, is that we can't control what's going to happen anywhere. Anything can change on a dime. The only thing you can control is having no regrets.

Doré Koontz, 61, is the co-founder of AugustHeart, a San Antonio based nonprofit organization dedicated to preventing sudden cardiac death in area teenagers through free heart screenings. Doré and her ex-husband, Bart Koontz, established AugustHeart in May 2011 to honor their son's memory and to help prevent similar tragedies in other families. Visit AugustHeart at https://augustheart.org/

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Mary loves to bake. She was always baking, and we always had more than enough baked goods around our house. Inspired by the message I had just heard at church and with the thought in mind that sometimes the best way to help yourself feel better is to help other people, I said to Mary, “We have to find a better purpose for this stuff. Maybe there’s somebody that needs a little bit of cheer. We could take your cookies and wrap them up and deliver them with a little note that says: hope your day gets better.”

Initially, our efforts were focused on people we knew, but then I created a Facebook page where I asked for nominations from people in the community saying, “If you know somebody going through a challenge, we’re interested in supporting them with a gift of homemade baked goods and an encouraging note. There’s no charge. This is just our way of giving back to the community.”

Today our Made by Mary community page on Facebook has more than 2,200 followers and our volunteer page has almost 200. We’ve been doing this for six and a half years. I would say at this point we’re getting two to three requests a week. Our record for the most requests fulfilled in one week is 11.

We created a 501(c)(3) for Made by Mary because my husband and I thought it would be a good experience for our daughters to see what goes into that process. I don’t know that we’ll maintain that structure for very much longer though because the overhead is almost as much as we get in donations. When Mary goes to college, we may retire Mady by Mary. But then again, we may decide otherwise.

A Community Effort

Mary is now a junior in high school, and she still does a lot of the baking. She loves to experiment and will try to find new recipes. Whereas, if I’m pitching in because she’s busy with school or cheerleading or something else that she’s in, you’re going to get chocolate chip cookies or brownies. Kelly, my eldest daughter who’s now away at college, used to make a lot of cards. But now we have cards made by a lot of high school volunteers, which I appreciate. In fact, just last night, I got a text from twins who have baked for us a number of times, saying “We’re available this weekend to bake if you have any requests.” When that happens, I will do my best to dig up a request so they can fulfill it.

Mary recently completed her application for the National Honor Society, and to be part of that, you have to have 10 hours of community service. I received requests from other students saying, “I need 10 community hours. What can I do?” and I said “Well, if you grocery shop and bake and make a card and do a delivery, I'll give you three or four hours for that.” We would have a request for someone who was diagnosed with cancer or their dog died or something, and these kids would do the delivery, and it was a great lesson in compassion. They get to utilize their skills, whether they are culinary skills or art and graphic skills. Some of the kids would say “Can I make 10 cards?” and the cards would be gorgeous. I could tell they spent a ton of time on this, and it was wonderful.

Our very first volunteer was our next-door neighbor. We had a personal scheduling conflict, and we were going out of town. Our neighbor loves to bake, so I asked if she could handle it, and she said “Of course. I’d be happy to help.” We’re literally the stereotypical neighbors who call one another and say, “I’m out of eggs, do you have eggs?” Or “I’m out of flour. Can you help me?” She volunteers with us still to this day. We have some people who want to just do deliveries. We have some card makers. And then we have a lot of volunteer bakers.

Beyond Baked Goods

While we continue to do the front porch baked goods delivery, we have gone beyond that mission. As my girls have aged and matured, they have developed different interests, so we've asked the community to support us in various ways. During the pandemic we also created Amazon wish lists, collected snacks for the local homeless shelter, and supported our mailman. We’re also pretty involved with another local organization called Feed My Starving Children.

My daughters have both done pretty extensive fundraisers for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. During Covid, my daughter Kelly, who was working on bringing awareness to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, knew that there was a huge need for blood donations, so she started doing blood drives. Because they had typically been held at churches and workplaces, blood drives had been halted during that time.

Because our community page has 2,200 followers, we have been able to use it to support other organizations in our community too. For example, another local group, Good Neighbors Network, was collecting packages of valentines for kids who couldn’t afford to buy them to share with their class. I made an Amazon list of Valentines, shared it with our community, and let them know that everything could be sent directly to me and I would deliver the Valentines. We collected more than 40 packages. People like to contribute in little ways.

Connecting Through Service

Service is how I connect with people. I’ve been always very service oriented in my career and my personal life. Professionally, I’m a pharmaceutical representative. I’ve always liked talking to practitioners and doctors about which pharmaceutical option was best for their patients, always keeping the patient in mind. No matter what your issue is, what disease you’re managing, what illness you’re struggling with, we’re all people, real people, with real stories, just getting through life. I also appreciate that my current role provides a ton of flexibility for my family. I can still go to all my kids’ activities, and if they may have a dentist or a doctor appointment or I get called because they’re sick, I have the flexibility that I need.

What advice would you give your 25-year-old self?

I would say “Success looks different at every age.” What you think being successful looks like at 25 is not what you think successful is going to look like at 40. Yes, it’s about paying the bills, and yes, it’s about not having debt, and yes, it’s about having a career, but it’s also about having connections with your family and in your community and mattering to people and having people matter to you.

Belle Curve Stories is about women navigating life with grit, grace and growth. What do those three words mean to you?

Grit means you’re quite capable of accomplishing anything you want. You just have to figure out the best path to getting there and setting realistic expectations for how and when. Sometimes you have to give yourself the grace to know it’s not going to happen on the timeline you originally envisioned, and real life happens, and you have to have that flexibility. But it doesn’t mean that you need to give up on your goals. So grace is giving yourself the space to evolve and realizing that priorities change, life happens, and those two don’t always happen at the same time.

As for growth, everybody always says, “Don’t stop learning.” I agree with that, but sometimes you just have a lot going on, and it’s okay to take a pause and learn to just enjoy. I like the word “contentment.” My husband and I struggle because he’s always wanting to do things bigger and better, and try new things, and do a million new hobbies. And I’m like, “I am perfectly fine with how things are right now. Let's just enjoy this phase.” It’s okay to just be content. You don’t always have to be growing.

We’re always focusing on being better, or doing more, or having more. Who you are is okay. Maybe in six months, you’ll want to be a different person, or maybe you want to learn a new skill. That’s all okay. But if you want to just stop and enjoy today, that’s quite all right, too.

As told to and edited by Teresa Bellock and Sandra Ditore.

Erin Robinson, 48, is a pharmaceutical sales representative, as well as the co-founder of Made by Mary, a 501(c)(3) organization. Erin, her husband and her three children live in Mt. Prospect, Illinois, where they enjoy dedicating their time and talent to a variety of charitable causes.